Saturday, April 5, 2008

"Just art"

This is hard.  The Meisner work, it's very difficult.  I'm not making a generalization; the work is difficult for me, personally.  It requires a serious amount of vulnerability and emotional honesty that I struggle with.  At the same time, I am, and have always been seriously dedicated to pursuing that honesty, that truth.  It's almost hilarious that my passion, my near-religion, is a conflictual pursuit for me.  It's very frustrating and upsetting.  In order to do this work, to really learn how to do this kind of work, I have to directly confront my socially-conditioned, deeply psychologically-rooted fears.  And it's terrifying.  I get very scared, and very ashamed.  I do have moments where I step back and really ask myself: "Is it really worth it?"  Rationally, it's not.  It's just art.  But, there it is.  "Just art."  I would give my life for "just art."  I would never forgive myself if I gave up.  So, I must believe that I will come out of this (whatever that means) stronger, more at peace with myself, and healed in someway. 

I love reps. 

1 comment:

AMK said...

i read this. all the time. and it makes me miss acting.